ミュウキック

what mood I'm in now?
damn, it's so confusing. yes, it's confusing
at this moment I'm listening to Sparks - Now That I Own The BBC.
searched this song for such a long time. I remember, when I was around 6~7 years old, I heard it on TV, and after that it somehow vanished, but I'm a 80's child, even though I was born later, but as far as I can remember my dad and uncle were always playing old songs.
maybe that is why I hate new stuff and ADORE/LOVE 80's more then anything.
and I don't care when people say that what I'm listening is boring or something like that.
I really don't care, because this music makes me happy and most crucial times.
plus, my uncle always plays his music collection in homestead at summer. Can you imagine how happy can I get? The sky is clear, birds plying and Pink Floyd's singing.
because if this I love summer - Well, mostly I hate it-.
I wish that all summers were like the ones I love.Well, like they say - nothing lasts forever.

although I'm very happy, because Sparks are playing 5th time on my wmp, but I must let my feelings out a lit bit.

Yesterday I lost a friend.
or maybe she lost me? well I'm a person who doesn't really care about things like this, because I'm a silent type, so people thing that I'm a black sheep and that if something happens - it's my fault.
so it was this time, but no, no. I didn't care, because when she said, that I missed her birthday with intention. I ignored it, because I don't like too argue with people about things that are lies ( negatives/ that aren't true). So I have lent her a game before the actual party. 2 weeks passed and she was returning the game, but she actually called and insulted me. I said "F you" and dropped the call. My mother started to calm me, because I was so angry at her. So this friend of her came up and gave it to my mother.
I don't care, and must say that finally I don't have friends.
somewhat I feel free.
Why I'm happy? Because whenever I wanted to talk to my "friend" they would call me a lhama, that I'm stupid or my taste in things is shitty. So that's why I always kept everything to myself. I started to do things alone. Although I still have one friend from out group ( group - 4 people, we were very close. Me, my friend, whom called me, my friend, whom was by boyfriend, but we were like black and white, and this friend). He kinda understands me, but still I'm quiet.
I like myself in this way, because I hate having feelings with people. Well no, I have them but just in my little world, whom is perfect.
I like these words - ir kas įrodys, kad šią akimirką dar gyvenu?
you never know if your alive or no, how can you say that you are.
maybe one day you were smashed to peaces, and now your in heaven, having this wonderful dream. Dreaming that you have a dream.
I love to talk about these thing, that's the person I'm, and I love myself for who I am.
Never was I ashamed of myself.
now the only people whom keep me living is my mother's side, my uncle, my aunt and my father.
If not them I would have killed myself long time ago.
Once I wanted to make an experiment to sunk in bath tube and that my friend would get me out and do that rescue breath or something.
I would love to see what it looks when your on the bound of life and death.
Kaip Hesė rašė "Stepių Vilke" - "Vis dėlto įdomu pažiūrėti kiekgi iš tikrųju gali žmogus pakelti! Kai kantrybė baigsis, tereikės atsidaryti duris ir viso labo."
Wonderful book, it's a shame that it's kinda expensive, but I must own it.

what a wonderful way to end a day - red whine with raspberry's and a good song Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark – Walking On The Milky Way